I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
