i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
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Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
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i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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