Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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