sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
