She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
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