Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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