My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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