I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
