Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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