chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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