i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
