cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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