did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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