How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
