Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
You need a sexual gate keeper
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
