ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Operation Purity has been aborted
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
