I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize