remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
