even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
