When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Is Oprah even human
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
