I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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