Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
