I puked a lego.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
