Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I seem to have left my pride at pride
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
