Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
