I seem to have left my pride at pride
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
