I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
God, you're like boner-b-gone
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Randomize
