Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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