Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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