Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
