I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
vagina is talking i cant
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
