i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
