last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
