Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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