You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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