When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
