Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
