At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Randomize
