I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
