and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
