Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
