You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
