if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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