Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
