Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
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