20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
