HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
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Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
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Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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