So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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