You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize