I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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