P.S. I can't hear my feet
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
