Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
