So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
