i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
