Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
