Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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