doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
