Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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