I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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