Screwed.edu
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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