I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
