my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Drunk walkin through police station. America
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Randomize
