my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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