dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
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We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
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This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
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