it hurts more in the daytime
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
