if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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