my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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