Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
