one word: firstdatebathroomanal
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I currently don't understand fingers.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
